ADHD and Executive Functioning Support for Kids

Why Your Child Isn’t Lazy and What Actually Helps

Dawn M. Vinson,

Licensed Professional Counselor & Certified School Counselor, K-12

Meet Jack. He’s 10.

Jack has big plans every afternoon. Today he’s going to come home, grab a snack, start his homework by 4:00, and still have time to hang out with his Legos before dinner.

At 4:03, Jack is standing in the kitchen staring into the pantry.

At 4:11, he’s forgotten why he opened the pantry door.

At 4:27, he’s arguing passionately with his sister about whether sharks or crocodiles would win a fight.

At 5:42, his backpack is still zipped. Untouched, Homework still trapped inside..

By the time a parent asks, “Why haven’t you started your homework?” Jack genuinely doesn’t know how to answer. He had planned to, wanted to, and even thought about it several times. 

From the outside, it looks like laziness or procrastination. From Jack’s viewpoint, it feels more like trying to run in a dream where your legs won’t work. Here’s the part that is hard for parents and teachers to understand: Jack’s brain isn’t refusing to work. It’s struggling to organize itself long enough to get started.

Jack’s parents are now frustrated and tensions are high as they know it will be another night of battles, tears and unfinished work. If this sounds familiar to you as a parent, you are not alone…

Parents of children with ADHD are often left asking many questions such as:

“Why can’t my child focus in school?”

“How do I help my child with attention problems?”

“Why does my child melt down after school?”

“My child can’t follow instructions, what do I do?”

“Why does my child forget everything?”

This is the part where executive functioning comes in and why so many children with ADHD are misunderstood. ADHD presents as a motivation problem. But it is not. It is also not a character flaw or laziness. ADHD is in fact, a disorder that affects self-regulation and executive functioning - the brain’s ability to manage itself toward a goal.

According to Russell Barkley, PhD, a leading expert in ADHD research, executive functioning challenges are the core deficit of ADHD, not intelligence or effort. Executive functioning skills allow children to regulate behavior, manage emotions, plan ahead, and persist toward goals over time. When these skills are underdeveloped, daily tasks can feel overwhelming rather than manageable. Understanding executive functioning changes how we support children with ADHD as well as help parents replace frustration with clarity.

Why does my child struggle with executive functioning?

Executive functioning refers to the brain’s self-management system. These skills help children:

• stop and think before acting

• organize tasks and materials

• manage emotions

• plan ahead

• follow through on responsibilities

Dr. Barkley describes executive functioning as the ability to control behavior in service of future goals. In children with ADHD, these brain systems - especially the prefrontal cortex - develop more slowly.

Research suggests executive functioning development in ADHD can lag by as much as 30%, meaning a 12-year-old may function more like a typical 9-year-old in these areas. This is a developmental difference, not a failure.

Children with ADHD often struggle with multiple executive function skills at once:

1. Inhibition (Impulse Control) - Difficulty pausing before acting or reacting. This can look like impulsivity, blurting, or difficulty stopping an activity.

2. Visual Working Memory (Planning and Time Awareness) - The ability to hold mental images of steps and timelines. Challenges here can cause forgetfulness, poor time management, and trouble completing multi-step tasks.

3. Verbal Working Memory (Inner Self-Talk) - The internal voice that guides behavior (“First I do this, then that”). In ADHD, this self-guidance system is often weaker.

4. Emotional Regulation and Motivation - Difficulty managing big emotions and sustaining motivation unless a task feels urgent or rewarding in the moment.

5. Planning and Problem-Solving - Trouble organizing ideas, adjusting plans, or finding solutions when obstacles arise.

Is my child lazy or just unmotivated?

The short answer: neither. One of the most damaging myths about ADHD is that kids who struggle are lazy or choosing not to try. They’re not. Children with executive functioning challenges often experience cognitive overwhelm. When a task requires planning, organization, emotional regulation, and sustained effort, the brain can overload. The result may look like avoidance, procrastination, meltdowns, or refusal, but it’s a stress response, not defiance. When kids don’t know where to start, they often stop altogether. This is actually, in reality, their fight or flight response. The nervous system is flooded and their undeveloped brains go into protection mode. This can also worsen at home after school. These children have worked twice as hard during the school day as their peers and they truly need more rest even though homework still has to be completed.

While ADHD can look like laziness, unmotivation, or even defiance, it’s actually living in the “overwhelm”.

The Good News! Parents can help support Executive Functioning (EF) 

How can I help my child with executive functioning challenges?

Learning specialist Susan Kruger, MEd, emphasizes the importance of making invisible planning visible.

Executive functioning is fundamentally visual. Children with ADHD need to see the task, the steps to completion and the goal.

Helpful tools include:

• visual checklists

• labeled folders and bins

• color-coded school materials and fun supplies such as colored post it notes

• posted routines and schedules

These supports reduce cognitive load and increase follow-through.

Build Systems With Your Child (Not For Them)

Executive functioning strategies work best when children help create them. Adding choice gives children a sense of autonomy and increases buy in! This helps ease the feelings of overwhelm and increases motivation naturally, leading to increased confidence, consistency and long-term EF skill development. So instead of imposing systems - collaborate, ask for their ideas and adjust routines together! In the case of Jack, we might work with him to create a check list that provides an “afterschool routine” clearly visible, broken down into small steps with frequent breaks and small rewards. This check list could be colorful with Post It notes or even as simple as written on a bathroom mirror with Expo markers.

Your Presence is the Agent Needed for Change

Children with ADHD cannot yet manage executive functioning independently. Their undeveloped brains need support.  Parents and caregivers act as a temporary external executive functioning system, helping children:

• organize tasks

• regulate emotions

• break goals into steps

• problem-solve setbacks

This does not mean taking over or enabling - it’s developmentally appropriate support. With repetition and modeling, these skills gradually become part of your child’s ability to succeed on their own.

Together now, so they can do it independently later.

Review and Adjust Strategies Regularly

Executive functioning support is not one-size-fits-all. As your child grows and develops so does the need for adjustment. Regular check-ins help children build self-reflection, self-awareness and self-esteem.

Ask what’s working, what isn’t, and what needs to change. These conversations are executive functioning practice, too.

What Parents Should Remember About ADHD and Executive Functioning

• Executive functioning challenges are developmental - not behavioral.

• Shame worsens executive functioning difficulties.

• Visual supports are essential.

• Practice builds skill over time.

• Connection and collaboration matter.

Your child is not broken. YOU are not failing. 

Children and teens with ADHD are developing skills that take longer to mature.

With understanding, structure, and support, executive functioning skills in children with ADHD can grow.

And so can hope.

For more information about navigating ADHD, please contact Dawn Vinson at Hope Harbor for parental guidance focused on building skills, confidence and connection at home.

© 2026 Dawn M. Vinson. All rights reserved.

*Disclaimer: This article is meant for educational purposes only and not meant to take the place of your licensed mental healthcare provider or your physician. Please enjoy these Free Tips for ADHD Support for Kids.

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