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Writer's pictureMara B. Edmunds, LMFT

How to Emotionally Regulate Your Upset Child: A Professional Guide for Grounding Yourself and Calming Your Child

Updated: Jul 25

Parenting is a journey filled with beautiful moments, challenges, and emotions. One of the most challenging situations parents often face is handling their child's emotional outbursts. When your child is upset, it can be overwhelming, but as a parent, you have the power to help them navigate through their intense feelings and guide them towards a sense of calm.


Grounding Yourself: The Key to Regulating Your Child's Emotions


Before you can effectively help your child regulate their emotions, it's crucial to ground yourself first. As a parent, you serve as a steady anchor for your child during turbulent times. By taking a moment to center yourself, you can better support your child in managing their feelings.


Steps to Ground Yourself:


  • Take Deep Breaths : Inhale slowly through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and then exhale slowly. Repeat this process a few times to calm your own nervous system.

  • Acknowledge Your Emotions : Recognize your feelings without judgment. It's okay to feel stressed or overwhelmed, but it's essential to address your emotions before helping your child.

  • Focus on the Present Moment : By focusing on the here and now, you can prevent your mind from wandering into a state of panic or worry. Resist a state of urgency.


Managing the Energy You Bring to the Situation


As you approach your child's emotional outburst, be mindful of the energy you bring to the situation. Your child is highly attuned to your emotional cues, and your energy can either exacerbate or alleviate their distress. Maintaining a sense of calm and reassurance can create a safe space for your child to express their feelings. It is ok to fake your sense of calm if it means keeping yourself under control.


Tips for Managing Your Energy:


  • Speak Softly : Use a gentle and reassuring tone to communicate with your child. Avoid raising your voice, as it can escalate the situation further.

  • Practice Empathy : Validate your child's emotions by acknowledging how they feel. Let them know that it's okay to feel upset and that you are there to help.

  • Model Emotional Regulation : Demonstrate healthy ways of managing emotions to show your child effective coping strategies.


Staying in Your Adult Role: The Importance of Parental Stability


While it's natural to feel reactive towards your child's distress, it's crucial to stay in your role as the grounded adult. Reacting to your child's outburst in a childlike manner will only make the experience more chaotic even if it feels like a temporary release of negative energy to the parent. By maintaining a parental role, you can guide your child through their emotions with wisdom and stability.


Ways to Stay in Your Adult Role:


  • Set Boundaries : Establish clear boundaries that promote safety while still being empathetic.

  • Provide Reassurance : Offer comfort and support. Let your child know that you are there to help them navigate through their feelings.

  • Stay Calm and Consistent : Maintain a sense of calmness and consistency in your responses to reassure your child that they are safe and supported.


Calming Your Upset Child: Practical Strategies to Foster Emotional Regulation


Once you have grounded yourself and established a sense of calm, it's time to focus on helping your child regulate their emotions. By employing practical strategies, you can assist your child in calming down and regaining a sense of equilibrium.


Steps for Calming Your Child:


  • Offer Physical Comfort : Provide a hug, gentle touch, or a comforting gesture to help soothe your child.

  • Provide a Physical Outlet : Offer a pillow to punch, run in place, swing, jump, or stomp out big emotions like anger.

  • Encourage Deep Breathing : Guide your child through deep breathing exercises to help regulate their emotions and calm their nervous system. Try blowing bubbles with them.

  • Engage in a Calming Activity : Encourage your child to engage in a calming activity that they enjoy, such as drawing, listening to music, or taking a walk.

  • Help Change Their Location : Consider moving them to another room to get a break from what is upsetting them. Calm now, solve later.


By following these steps and strategies, you can effectively regulate your upset child's emotions and support them in navigating through their feelings in a healthy and constructive manner. Remember, as a parent, your presence and guidance are powerful tools in helping your child develop emotional resilience and self-regulation skills. They count on you to help them co-regulate as their nervous system is still developing for many more years.


© 2024 Mara B. Edmunds. All rights reserved.


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Fort Worth, TX 76244

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