Friendship: Is It Give and Take or Just Take? The Unspoken Rules of Healthy Reciprocity

Mara B. Edmunds, LMFT
Jul 31, 2024
3 min read

Updated: Jul 8

Mara B. Edmunds, Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Friendships are like flowers; they need care, attention, and the right environment to thrive. Just like flowers need sunlight, water, and nutrients to grow, friendships require reciprocity, mutual understanding, and a balanced exchange of care and support. As an expert in mental health therapy and relationship counseling, I often witness the beauty of reciprocal friendships and the challenges that arise when the balance is skewed.

Two women in a cafe use sign language; one gestures while the other listens attentively. A coffee and pastry are on the wooden table. Cozy atmosphere. Reciprocity in friendships matter. Give and take that is equal in your friendships.

Understanding Reciprocity in Friendships

Reciprocity in friendships is the essence of a healthy, fulfilling relationship. It is the give and take, the ebb and flow of support, love, and understanding between friends. Imagine a seesaw: sometimes one friend needs more support, and the other provides it, but over time, the balance evens out. It's not about keeping score or tallying favors but about a mutual sense of care and consideration.

Balancing the Equation: Real-Life Examples

Example 1: The Listener and the Talker

Consider a friendship between Sam and Alex. Sam is going through a tough time at work and needs someone to listen, vent, and provide support. Alex, being a good friend, steps up and listens patiently, offering words of encouragement. A few weeks later, it's Alex who needs reassurance and advice. In a reciprocal friendship, Sam reciprocates by being there for Alex, just as Alex was for him.

Example 2: The Planner and the Spontaneous Friend

Imagine a friendship between Maya and Taylor. Maya is a meticulous planner, always organizing outings, gatherings, and surprises for Taylor. On the other hand, Taylor is more spontaneous, bringing excitement and spontaneity to Maya's life. While Maya plans the details of a road trip, Taylor suggests an impromptu camping adventure. In this friendship, both contribute in their unique ways, creating a balanced and harmonious dynamic.

Four friends in a cozy living room, eating pizza and playing video games. The mood is cheerful, with bright decor and a relaxed vibe. Friendship and equal effort and contribution matters.

Signs of Imbalance and How to Address Them In Friendships

In some friendships, the scales of reciprocity may tip, leading to feelings of resentment, exhaustion, or neglect. Signs of imbalance include one friend always being the listener, planner, or supporter, while the other takes without giving in return. If you find yourself in such a situation, it's essential to communicate openly with your friend.

Initiate Conversations : Express your feelings and concerns to your friend in a non-confrontational manner. Share how you value the friendship and the importance of mutual support. Use "I" statements when you describe what you've been noticing between you.
Set Boundaries : Establish boundaries regarding what you can and cannot offer in the friendship. It's okay to say no and prioritize your well-being.
Reassess Your Expectations : Reflect on your expectations for the friendship. Are they realistic? Adjusting your expectations can help alleviate feelings of disappointment. Balance, respect, and mutuality are keys to the best connection.

Two women sit on a couch, laughing and looking at a tablet. One wears glasses; both wear patterned outfits. Bright, cozy living room setting. Healthy friendships require give and take from all parties.

Finding Balance and Nurturing Healthy Friendships

Healthy friendships are like a dance: a graceful exchange of steps and rhythms that reflect mutual respect, care, and understanding. True reciprocity is not about keeping score but about being attuned to each other's needs and offering support when needed. Remember, it's okay to have days of imbalance, as long as the overall average reflects a shared investment in the friendship. Friendship is not about what you get, but what you give, and the joy of shared experiences that create lasting memories.

So, the next time you wonder if your friendship is truly reciprocal, think about the balance of give and take, the moments of understanding, and the shared laughter and tears that define a meaningful connection. Embrace the beauty of reciprocity, and watch your friendships bloom and flourish in the garden of shared connection and understanding.

Call or text us today to book your FREE 15 minute consultation or your first session with one of our Licensed Therapists!

Hope Harbor Counseling & Family Therapy, PLLC

4917 Golden Triangle Blvd. Suite 411

Fort Worth, TX 76244

(817) 201-2444 Call or Text

FREE Resources at www.HopefulHarbor.com

Email: Info@HopefulHarbor.com